Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Second Step

Ok, so let me fill you in on what's transpired since my first post. . .

60 people came to the blog. I don't know how many people actually read it, but the critical part of me is surprised that 60 people even bothered to click the link. (You know, because I'm so inadequate.)

A bunch of people (i.e. my friends) commented and messaged me very wonderful and supportive things.  This made me very happy.  If nothing else, I know I am loved.  But here's the double-edged nature of support from your friends--it can bolster your confidence, squelch your inner critic and give you the push you need to keep going.  It can also temporarily give you delusions of grandeur.  With all these wonderful comments and support, I found myself fantasizing: maybe this blog thing will be a success after all.  Maybe I can really take this somewhere.  People will be amazed by my writing and I'll acquire a tribe of followers.  News outlets will come across my blog; intrigued by my unique blend of humility and wisdom, they'll ask to interview me.  I'll get more followers.  I'll become an expert speaker, and tour the world giving lectures.  I'll help thousands of people and make lots of money.  I'll live my dream, pay off my parents' mortgage, start a college fund for my nephews, feed starving children in Africa. It will be amazing.  I can't wait. . .

Then I think about my next post.  Suddenly this second blog post has taken on a lot of meaning.  In fact, it's a little overwhelming.  I'm not sure I want to do this.  And resistance has its jaws firmly in my forward momentum.

So I've been thinking about the next post on and off for the past however-many days, going through the roller-coaster ride of coming up with a great idea, and then losing my excitement when I actually start to intend to write it.  I even wrote a draft of a post this weekend, but then decided it wasn't right.  It's easy to jump on myself and judge, but I will say one thing--I don't think the resistance is necessarily bad, as long as you keep moving forward.  The conclusion I ended up coming to is that all the great post ideas that I have are great, they're just a little ahead of where I actually am in my journey.  What I really want to share right now is my truth in this moment, which isn't quite as grand as my delusions would want it to be.  But I will file those other great ideas away for when they do feel right.  And in the meantime, I will write something.  Trust me when I say that the biggest mistake you can make is the mistake of inaction.*

So beware the perfectionistic mind's secret weapon--delusions of grandeur.  Very clever, Ego.  Very clever.

P.S. I don't think that these delusions are only of our grandeur.  I think that even when we start personal projects, as perfectionists we imagine the perfect outcome--and then anything we actually do will seem inadequate.  My advice--do it, anyway. It's very liberating to be imperfect. And there's very little in life that can't be fixed or redone.

*Research does NOT count as action.  I cannot stress this strongly enough!

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